Patrician's Office

Lore & Background

The Patrician's rule is based on the belief that people primarily wish for things to stay the same. His family motto translates to "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." He allows changes only when necessary to fix broken systems quickly. The office functions as a benevolent dictatorship where Vetinari avoids direct intervention unless needed and rarely sends innocent people to dungeons without trial, though he holds an intense hatred for street mimes. He communicates with the palace rats, who were granted accidental sentience by Unseen University's magical rubbish and became dominant vermin after receiving conflict advice from him.

In Their Own Story

During his youth in the Assassins' Guild, Vetinari scored disconcertingly high in attention to detail and earned the nickname Dog-botherer due to the similarity of his name to "veterinary." As a young man, he participated in the "Glorious 25th of May," where he technically assassinated the then-Patrician Homicidal Lord Winder, who ultimately died of fright. Later, Vetinari journeyed to Überwald on the Grand Sneer, met Lady Margolotta, and learned about the nature of evil after witnessing an otter family feeding. In Jingo, he translated Klatchian for Sergeant Colon despite denying fluency.

Reader's Guide

To interact with the Patrician's Office, one must understand that Vetinari knows exactly why a visitor is there before they arrive. He prefers to use persuasive arguments rather than force, often arranging for useful but problematic individuals like Leonard of Quirm or Moist Von Lipwig to "vanish" and be press-ganged into service with the option to refuse (though refusal leads to negative results). The office operates on detached supervision; Vetinari allows events to play out to maintain plausible deniability. Security is maintained through his mastery of diplomacy, his menacing air, and his ability to organize grassroots resistance against plots.

Did You Know?

• Vetinari's family name is a pun on 'veterinary,' earning him the childhood nickname 'Dog-botherer'.
• He was briefly turned into a lizard by a wizard under the influence of a Sourcerer shortly after ascending to power.
• The dungeons he was once locked in were secretly designed to allow for his escape at leisure.
• Vetinari can communicate with palace rats who became sentient due to magical rubbish from Unseen University.
• He has a strange fondness for candied jellyfish and a humorous hatred of street mimes.